Emotional triggers are a natural part of being human. When we experience something that reminds us of past pain or trauma, it can activate an intense emotional reaction—sometimes one that feels overwhelming. It’s completely valid to have triggers, and it’s important to recognize them so we can take care of our mental health. But what happens when our response to triggers starts to shift from managing our own reactions to expecting others to change their behavior to avoid triggering us?
Triggers are emotional reactions to past experiences that resurface in the present. They can be tied to trauma, childhood experiences, social conditioning, or deeply personal fears. A trigger can be a word, a tone of voice, a place, a smell, or even a specific dynamic in a relationship that brings up strong emotions, often before we even realize what’s happening.
For example, someone who grew up with highly critical parents may feel deeply triggered by constructive feedback, perceiving it as an attack. Someone who experienced betrayal may feel overwhelming anxiety when a friend takes a while to respond to a text, even if there’s no actual reason for concern.
Triggers are not inherently bad—they are signals from our nervous system that something in our past still needs healing. The key is how we respond to them.
When we’re triggered, our natural instinct may be to avoid discomfort however possible. Sometimes, this can lead to unreasonable expectations of others, even if we don’t mean for it to happen.
For example, if raised voices remind you of past trauma, it’s reasonable to ask your partner to speak calmly when discussing difficult topics. But it would be unrealistic to expect that no one in your life ever raises their voice, even in normal moments of excitement or frustration. If violent movies make you uncomfortable, it’s reasonable to choose not to watch them. But it would be unfair to expect your friends or family to never watch violent movies around you or feel personally offended when they do.
The key distinction is that boundaries are about what you will do, not about controlling what others do. You have the right to manage your environment in a way that protects your well-being—but that doesn’t mean others must change their behaviors to accommodate all of your emotional needs.
When we struggle to manage our emotional triggers, we may start to externalize the responsibility—believing that others are at fault for “making” us feel a certain way. This can lead to misinterpreting personal preferences or unintentional actions as deliberate harm.
Your trigger response may be crossing the line if you:
Of course, this does not mean people should intentionally disregard or mock your triggers. People who respect you should care about your feelings. But it’s important to recognize that your healing is your responsibility, not theirs.
Instead of relying on the outside world to avoid your triggers, true healing comes from working on your internal responses. Here’s how:
Your triggers exist because of your personal experiences, not because of something inherently wrong in the present moment. When you feel triggered, try asking yourself:
Avoidance may bring relief in the short term, but it reinforces the idea that you need to control your environment to feel okay. Instead of avoiding all potential triggers, try working toward building resilience so that when you do encounter them, they don’t have as much power over you.
This could involve:
Instead of saying, “You can’t do that around me!” try:
This approach takes responsibility for your feelings while still advocating for your needs in a way that respects both yourself and others.
Healing from triggers is not about eliminating discomfort—it’s about learning how to respond to discomfort in a healthy way. A therapist can help you identify the root causes of your triggers and work through past experiences. They can also work with you to develop coping mechanisms that empower you to self-regulate. As you work toward healing, your therapist can help you differentiate between valid emotional boundaries and attempts to control others. Therapy provides a safe and supportive space to work through emotional pain, which is invaluable on your healing journey.
Triggers are real, and they deserve attention. Struggling with triggers doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you—it just means that there are parts of you in need of care. At Medens Health, we provide compassionate, evidence-based support to help you feel more in control of your emotions and your healing. Our providers can help you navigate your emotions with self-awareness, responsibility, and resilience. By shifting the focus from external control to internal healing, you can reclaim your power and build emotional strength that lasts.
Get started here, call or text (833) 624-5400, or fill out our contact form today!
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information this blog provides is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.
If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.
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