What to Do When the Therapeutic Relationship Breaks Down

Therapy is meant to be a space where you feel supported, understood, and empowered to work through challenges. At the heart of this process is the therapeutic alliance—the bond between you and your therapist. A strong therapeutic relationship is built on trust, collaboration, and mutual respect, and research shows that it’s one of the most important factors in successful therapy. But what happens when that bond starts to weaken? If you’re struggling in your therapeutic relationship, you have options.

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Signs Your Therapeutic Relationship Isn’t Working

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Every therapist-client relationship is unique, and some friction is normal as you work through difficult emotions. However, persistent issues may mean that the relationship is no longer serving you. 

It might be time for a change if:

• You don’t feel heard or understood. If your therapist dismisses your concerns, interrupts frequently, or doesn’t seem to grasp what you’re going through, therapy can start to feel frustrating rather than helpful.
• Your therapist lacks empathy or seems judgmental. Therapy should be a space where you feel safe expressing yourself without fear of shame or criticism.
• Your therapist is distracted, inconsistent, or unprofessional. Frequent cancellations, forgetting important details, or checking their phone during sessions can signal a lack of commitment to your care.
• The therapeutic approach no longer fits your needs. Maybe you started therapy for one reason, but now your needs have shifted, and your therapist isn’t adapting.
• You don’t feel comfortable being honest. If you’re holding back because you don’t feel safe or respected, therapy won’t be as effective.
• A breach of trust has occurred. If your therapist crosses ethical boundaries or betrays your trust, this can make it impossible to continue working together.

These issues don't mean that therapy has failed—it just means that your current therapeutic relationship might not be the right fit.

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Can You Repair a Strained Therapeutic Relationship?

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If you generally trust your therapist but feel like something isn’t working, it might be worth a discussion before making the decision to leave. Here’s how to address concerns and try to improve the relationship:

1. Identify what’s bothering you. Take time to reflect on what feels off—are you feeling invalidated, unheard, or stuck? Being clear about your concerns will help guide the conversation.
2. Bring it up in session. It can feel uncomfortable, but a good therapist will appreciate your honesty and work with you to make adjustments. You might say, “Lately, I’ve felt like I’m not being fully heard. Can we talk about ways to make our sessions more helpful?”
3. See how they respond. A skilled therapist will be open to feedback and willing to adapt their approach. If they become defensive, dismiss your concerns, or shift blame, that’s a red flag.
4. Give it time (if you want to). If your therapist acknowledges your concerns and makes an effort to adjust, you may want to continue for a few more sessions and see if things improve.

That said, you are never obligated to “fix” therapy if it no longer feels like the right fit.

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When It’s Time to Change Therapists

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Therapy should always serve your well-being. If trying to repair the relationship doesn’t feel right—or if the issues are too big to overcome—it’s completely okay to change therapists. You wouldn’t stay with a doctor who ignored your symptoms, and the same applies to mental health care.

Here’s how to make a smooth transition:

• Trust your instincts. If something about therapy isn’t working, honor that feeling.
• Decide whether to formally end things. Some people prefer to discuss their decision with their therapist, while others simply move on. If you want closure, you can say something like, “I appreciate the work we’ve done, but I think I need to explore a different approach to therapy.”
• Find a new therapist. Look for a provider whose approach, experience, and personality feel like a better fit. Consider what you wish had been different in your last therapeutic relationship.
• Give yourself permission to start fresh. It’s natural to feel apprehensive about switching therapists, but finding the right one can make a huge difference in your progress

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The Bottom Line: Therapy Should Work for You

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Therapy is a deeply personal experience, and not every therapist will be the right match for every person. If the therapeutic relationship isn’t working, you don’t have to stay out of obligation. You deserve a therapist who listens, understands, and helps you grow. If you’re looking for a new provider, Medens Health offers compassionate, evidence-based therapy with a focus on finding the right fit for each client. Whether you’re starting therapy for the first time or transitioning from another provider, we’re here to support your mental health journey. Reach out to Medens Health today to explore your options and find the right therapist for you. 

Get started here, call or text (833) 624-5400, or fill out our contact form online.

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^Disclaimer:

^{The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information this blog provides is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.}

^{If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.}‍