Parents certainly have plenty to worry about, but the start of your teen’s dating life likely increased some of those worries tenfold. One issue that may not cross your mind when worrying about safe sex, unwanted pregnancy, and falling grades is dating violence. February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness month, so this gives us a great opportunity to talk about violence in teen relationships, what to watch for, and how to handle it if you believe it is happening.
According to the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (a leading research hospital for all things related to children and teens) 1 in 3 teens will experience some form of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from a partner before they turn 18. This is why it's so important for parents to learn about teen dating violence and the steps they can take to prevent it.
Similar to domestic violence, teen dating violence comes in different forms, including physical, mental, and emotional. Here are a few examples:
Physical violence - This covers any unwanted physical touch—punching, hitting, pushing, kicking, smacking, pinching, sexual acts, and unwanted PDA. In the same study referenced above, CHOP reported that around 1.5 million high school-aged students reported being physically abused by a dating partner. This study revealed that the rate of physical violence began to increase at around age 13 and sharply rose between the ages of 15 and 17. The rise in physical violence from a dating partner continued through age 22 before starting a decline (correlating with the age most people graduate college).
Sexual violence - Sexual violence is defined as unwanted sexual touch, that may or may not include penetration. Another CHOP study reported that around 8.5 million women experience rape before the age of 18. In most reports, sexual violence occurred while on a date. 35% of attempted rapes reported were attempted while on a date. 22% of threatened rapes and 12% of completed rapes also occurred during a date.
Experiencing violence at the hands of a dating partner is far more common than most people think. Nationally, nearly 1 in every 4 women and 1 in every 7 men are victims of physical violence from someone they consider a partner in their lifetime. For teens, this has a lasting effect on all relationships going forward.
Emotional abuse - Emotional abuse is intended to undermine a person’s self-esteem, confidence, and independence. This includes verbal abuse like yelling, swearing, and insults, gaslighting, put-downs, intimidation, threats, and social abuse such as harming the victim’s reputation or their relationships with other people in an attempt to isolate them.
Teenagers who experience dating violence can struggle with long-term effects—like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They may also develop a lack of trust in others, which can seriously impact their attachment style and make it difficult to form healthy relationships in the future. Depression and anxiety may lead teens to withdraw from social activities and even engage in risky behaviors like substance abuse, self-harm, and suicide.
Because teenagers are inexperienced and do not yet have a fully-formed brains, it may be difficult for them to recognize abuse for what it is. This is why it's important for parents to know what to look out for. Common signs to look out for include changes in your teen's behavior. This may include becoming withdrawn or isolated from social activities or school. Changes in appearance, especially using clothing or makeup to cover bruises, or unexplained injuries, such as bruises in different stages of healing. Changes in mood or mood swings can mimic the same mood changes as someone suffering from depression or anxiety.
It's important to talk about dating violence before it happens, so your teen is aware of what is appropriate and what is crossing a line. Here are some tips for approaching the subject with your child.
If you suspect that your teenager is experiencing dating violence, it is important to take immediate action. The first thing you should do is start an open and honest conversation with your teenager about their situation. Tell them what you've noticed and let them know that you're not upset, but are there to help them get the support they need. Consider contacting local authorities or organizations that specialize in preventing and addressing dating violence. Your local domestic violence organizations can provide resources and support to help your teenager stay safe and can help you take legal action if necessary. You can also check out the resources provided at www.loveisrespect.org, www.teendvmonth.org, and the National Dating Abuse Helpline at (866) 331-9474.
Lastly, consider getting your teen mental health support. Therapy has amazing benefits for teens, and Medens Health has therapists and counselors in Nevada and California who specialize in teenagers, trauma, abuse, and relationships.
If you or someone you know has a teen who has experienced violence in their relationship, reach out to us by phone or text at (833) 624-5400, send us a message using our online contact form, or to register as a new patient get started here.
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.
If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.
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