From an early age, we’re taught by movies and TV that all problems should be neatly wrapped up by the end of the episode or movie, allowing us to move on to the next chapter. In real life, closure doesn’t work that way, and this perception can create unhealthy expectations about grief, healing, and moving forward after trauma or loss. Closure is not a one-size-fits-all solution, but an ongoing journey of healing and growth.
Closure is often imagined as a clean break from pain—a definitive moment that erases suffering and allows us to move forward without lingering feelings. We might seek closure through getting an apology or explanation, having a conversation or confrontation, experiencing a specific event, or even performing a ritual to mark the end of a painful chapter. This notion is appealing because it offers the promise of emotional efficiency. The idea of tying everything up neatly and moving on is comforting in a world where so much feels unpredictable or chaotic.
However, the reality is that closure rarely happens in such a tidy way. This mindset can make it harder to heal, as it pushes us to search for an elusive “end” rather than focus on the ongoing process of growth and understanding. Many people seek closure through a specific event, such as the opportunity to confront someone who assaulted them in court and see justice done. However, once the event happens, they find that the effects of trauma are still just as present. When we expect closure to arrive and it doesn’t, we may feel guilt, frustration, or a sense of failure. These feelings further complicate the healing process, preventing us from engaging in self-compassion and truly processing the loss or traumatic event.
Grief and healing aren’t about erasing pain—they’re about learning to live with it. Instead of “moving on,” many people find themselves moving forward with their grief, integrating the experience into their life in a way that allows them to continue growing. This doesn’t mean the pain disappears, but rather that it becomes part of their story, shaping who they are without defining them entirely.
It’s important to understand that grief is not something to conquer or leave behind. It’s a process that ebbs and flows over time. You may carry the weight of your loss, but you can also find moments of joy, meaning, and connection along the way. Pain and happiness can coexist, and embracing both can lead to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
When you let go of the myth of closure, you open yourself up to a more compassionate and realistic approach to healing. Rather than searching for a moment of finality, consider these ways to move through grief and emotional pain with intention and self-care:
Grief and emotional pain are natural responses to loss or trauma. Allow yourself to feel without judgment or the pressure to “get over it” quickly. Avoid trying to suppress or ignore your emotions, as this can delay the healing process. Instead, give yourself permission to sit with your feelings and process them at your own pace.
Closure doesn’t mean finding a perfect resolution where all the pain disappears. Some wounds may never fully close, and that’s okay. Instead of chasing a single moment that will make everything better, focus on gradual progress and small steps forward. Healing is not a straight line—it’s a journey with ups and downs.
Rather than trying to “fix” the pain, explore ways to make sense of it and integrate it into your life. This might involve finding purpose in the lessons you’ve learned, reframing the experience in a way that promotes understanding, or using your story to support others who are going through similar challenges. Finding meaning can be a powerful way to move forward while honoring your experiences.
Balance is key. Make time to honor your grief while also engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. Avoid suppressing your feelings, but don’t let them consume you either. Think of healing as learning to coexist with your emotions, allowing room for both sorrow and happiness in your life.
You don’t have to go through this journey alone; therapy can be an invaluable tool in the healing process. A compassionate therapist can provide a safe space to explore your grief, uncover unhelpful beliefs about closure, and develop strategies for emotional growth. Therapy can help you reframe your experiences, identify patterns that may be holding you back, and guide you toward a more integrated and meaningful way of living. Whether you’re processing a loss or navigating unresolved pain, therapy offers tailored support to meet your needs.
Closure isn’t a magical destination where all the pain disappears—it’s an ongoing journey of meaning-making and emotional integration. Healing is about progress, not perfection, and it’s okay if grief remains a part of your life in some form. What matters is how you move forward and create space for growth, joy, and connection alongside your pain. If you’re feeling stuck or unsure of how to navigate your healing journey, Medens Health is here to help. Our team of mental health providers is dedicated to supporting you through grief, trauma, and emotional challenges. Together, we’ll help you find the tools and understanding you need to build a life that honors your experiences while moving forward.
Get started here, call or text (833) 624-5400, or fill out our contact form today!
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information this blog provides is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.
If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.
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