Is your loved one in a rut, or is it depression?

We all lack motivation and zest from time to time, but if your loved one has seemed “meh” for a while now, more may be going on under the surface than you realize. It can be difficult to distinguish between depression and chafing at a routine that leaves one bored and unexcited. Being in a rut sometimes leads to depression, so it’s important to recognize the signs and understand ways you can help. If your friend or family member has been off lately, it’s worth taking a moment to see if they need support. Here are some signs to look out for and ways you can support someone in both situations:
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Recognizing depression vs. a rut

Being in a rut can present differently for different people. Recognizing the signs of it can give you a leg up in helping your loved one avoid sliding into depression later on. If your loved one is very open, they may mention feeling like they’re spinning their wheels in life. If they tend to be more reserved with their emotions, you’ll have to pick up on the subtle signs yourself. If you witness your loved one in a routine that rarely varies, frequently at work for long hours, often feeling ‘too tired’ in their free time and acting ‘meh’ in general, it could be time for an honest conversation with them on how they are feeling about life. You may also notice your loved one taking less time for self-care, (not to be confused with a lack of care in hygiene, which is a sign of depression).
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How to help your loved one step out of a rut

If you find your loved one is feeling a bit down and unmotivated, here are a few ways you can help:

• Don’t criticize or minimize their feelings - there’s a chance your loved one has some guilt over their feelings of lack of fulfillment and zest. Avoid saying things like “but you have such a great life!”, or “you have it all!”

• Start a conversation - sometimes people are so caught up in their work that they don’t realize how much they don’t converse with others socially. Having someone else initiate conversation is a great way for them to remember how important it is.

• Suggest plans - encourage them to step out of their routine and join you in doing something fun. Having something to look forward to is a great way to get a mood boost. Bonus points for activities that involve movement or the great outdoors for added endorphins.

• Be encouraging - make sure they know they have your support. Encourage them to take that leap they’ve been considering, whether it be big or small.
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When it’s more than a rut…

The following signs may mean that your loved one is experiencing more than a rut:

• Varying emotions, including anger, irritability, frustration and sadness.

• Loss of interest in things they once enjoyed

• Loss of or lowered libido

• Insomnia or excessive tiredness/sleeping for long periods of time

• Lack of energy, even after sleeping

• Changes in appetite / eating excessively more or less than usual

• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness

• Memory and/or concentration problems
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What if your friend or family member is depressed?

Depression can be a scary thing to deal with, especially with a loved one. It’s important to remember that people will not always recognize their own symptoms. Even if they have some idea that they may be depressed, they may try to brush off their feelings, or internalize it and reason with themselves on how to get better on their own.

You can be supportive by letting them know you’re there for them and willing to listen to them if they are ready to talk about their feelings. Offer positive reinforcements whenever you can; and if you’re not sure what to say, here are some helpful ideas from The Depression Project:

• “There is no pressure to respond, just letting you know I’m here for you whenever you feel up to talking” - Adding ‘no pressure’ is a great way to express support and not come across as overwhelming, which can sometimes push people further away from engaging with you.

• “Just letting you know, if you ever feel like doing something low-key, I could come over and we could watch a movie. No pressure, I’m here for you though” - Again, adding ‘no pressure’ helps give your loved one a sense of ease. Offering to just be present is oftentimes the biggest way to have a positive impact on someone who is struggling with depression.

• “I wanted to reach out and let you know that you are loved… Even in those darker moments when you feel unloved. Your depression is lying to you.” - When people struggle with depression, they often feel unloved, unwanted, hopeless and empty. It’s a simple gesture that has a huge impact, when you can help someone understand that those depressed thoughts are not how others perceive them.

• “It’s okay to take time for yourself. You’ve got a lot going on and your mental health matters.” - Validation is important for anyone, and feels good to hear anytime. It’s especially important to hear when you’re struggling with depression. This can help your loved one understand that depression isn’t a weakness or flaw, and that mental health is just as important as physical health.

• “Just in case you feel bad for withdrawing, please don’t. I know you’re going through a lot. I see you.” - Another way to show validation and that you are there for them. People often feel like they are a burden on others when they are struggling with depression. Let them know that they aren’t ruining your plans, and not forgotten when they need to take a step back.
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Consider professional advice

It is important that you and your loved one both understand that depression is a complex mental health illness that should be evaluated by a professional even if “it doesn’t seem that bad”. Help your loved one to understand that depression is treatable with a wide range of both medicinal and non-medicinal options, and that counseling with a licensed therapist is a great place to start.

Remember, counseling isn’t just for depression - therapy is extremely helpful for those who are struck in a rut as well. If you or your loved one are dealing with either situation, Medens Health is here to help with counseling and treatment options that fits all needs. Those in the California or Nevada areas can reach out to us online or call/text (833)624-5400.

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, call the free suicide hotline 24/7 at 800-273-8255 or chat with someone at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

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^Disclaimer:

^{‍The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.}

^{If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.}