When someone acts a little differently towards you, do you immediately worry that they’re mad at you? Does your brain frantically scramble to review your recent interactions, searching for any offenses you might have committed? If so, you’re not alone. This feeling is particularly common among women and often stems from past experiences. Understanding why you feel this way is the first step towards overcoming it - and it absolutely can be overcome!
For thousands of years, social relationships have been essential for human survival. This means that we’re hardwired to fear being cast out. Unfortunately, this instinct can backfire, causing us to obsess over who might be mad at us with very little evidence. People who have been cast out in the past (by, say, that group of mean girls in middle school) or who grew up in an abusive household can become hypervigilant, constantly trying to guess what others are feeling to ensure their own survival. There are many reasons that someone might constantly worry that others are mad at them. Here are some questions you can ask yourself to get to the root of the problem:
When you start to worry that someone is mad at you, it’s important to have strategies to manage and reduce this anxiety. Here are some steps you can take:
In the end, it’s the other person’s responsibility to tell you if they’re upset with you. You can’t be expected to read minds, so stop guessing what they might be feeling and let them be in charge of themselves.
It might not feel like it now, but it really is ok for someone to be mad at you. It is unreasonable to expect that everyone will always be happy with us, all of the time. It’s also perfectly normal for friends to get angry with each other sometimes. Sometimes you really might have messed up, and you can own that and apologize. And sometimes, their own trauma and perceptions might cause them to perceive bad intentions on your part where there were none. You can’t control how others feel - all you can do is work on your own reactions and behavior.
If you constantly worry that others are mad at you, the best thing you can do for yourself is get support from a licensed mental health professional. A therapist can help you get to the root of your anxiety, challenge unhealthy patterns, provide a neutral third-party perspective, and guide you in forming a healthier, more peaceful mindset. At Medens Health, our caring staff is dedicated to helping you navigate these challenges and develop the skills you need for healthier relationships and enhanced mental well-being. We take most insurance plans and offer virtual therapy in many states, as well as in-person sessions in California and Nevada. Reach out to get started today!
Get started here, call or text (833) 624-5400, or fill out our contact form today!
Disclaimer:
The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information this blog provides is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.
If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.
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