How to Navigate Controversial Thanksgiving Table Conversations

Gathering with family can be a painstakingly dreadful process for some. With triggering conversations, judgmental relatives, grief, and political divides, getting through Thanksgiving dinner can be a massive undertaking that requires a lot of thought and pre-planning. We’re here to help you come up with a strategy that will help you make it as enjoyable and tolerable as possible.
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Have a game plan…

…or maybe you’d like to call it a peace plan. A well-thought-out plan plays a key role in helping you have the most control over the experience.

Start by preparing yourself; anticipating what hot topics could come up and how you could defuse any possible confrontation. Set clear boundaries ahead of time, especially if you’re hosting Thanksgiving in your own home. Let your guests know that you intend to host a safe place for all to gather, and you expect peaceful behavior from all who attend. Invite a support person to be with you; this works well whether you’re hosting at home, or accepting an invitation to someone else’s home. Let your host know you’re bringing a plus-one and designate someone you trust to have your back. Someone who knows you will easily be able to pick up on your cues and help you cope if needed.

Lastly, just like your favorite football team, have a playbook for if things go south…
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Run your plays
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• Redirection - This is a common tactic that has a good track record. If a sensitive topic arises or tempers start to flare, try redirecting the conversation to a new topic. Some of the conversation starters below could help!

• Gracefully excuse yourself - If redirection didn’t work, you can execute the casual slip-away technique. Many times, no one will pay any mind if you excuse yourself to help with the dishes, go visit with someone in the next room, check out the game, or step outside for some fresh air.

• Hold your boundaries - If redirection doesn’t work and you can’t walk away from the discussion, don’t be afraid to stand firm on your boundaries. It can be as simple as “I prefer not to discuss this topic during Thanksgiving. I’d rather enjoy the time we have together.” If your boundaries are not respected, give yourself permission to leave the gathering.
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Conversation Starters

Below are some ideas to help steer conversation in a positive direction:

• Storytelling - Share a funny or interesting story that everyone would enjoy hearing.

• Pop culture topics - Generally a safe zone, start a conversation where everyone can share the best movie they have seen lately or a new artist they’ve discovered.

• Reminisce on happy memories - This may not work for everyone, but it’s one way you could come up with conversation starters everyone would enjoy. Ask everyone to share their favorite childhood memories or favorite Thanksgiving memory.

• Make conversation a game! - You could come up with lighthearted topics and questions on your own, or purchase a box of curated questions, such as Table Topics that keep conversations fun and engaging.
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Give yourself permission to decline invitations

Remember, you have no obligation to put up with verbal abuse, which includes being subjected to listening to conversations that make you feel uncomfortable. Don’t feel bad about setting and enforcing boundaries. If you believe that those boundaries will be crossed or you don’t feel prepared to face certain people and conversations, offer a polite decline and make plans to gather with people you trust.
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Get help to navigate tricky situations & enforce boundaries

Confronting disordered family dynamics and generational trauma is no small thing! Professional counseling can help you process the aftermath of previous experiences and prepare you for upcoming events where triggering conversations could take place. If you or someone you know needs help healing from past trauma and preparing a peace plan for next time, give Medens Health a call at (833) 624-5400 or reach out online via our contact page.

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^Disclaimer:

^{‍The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.}

^{If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.}