Exploring Couples Therapy

It might be a New Year’s resolution to work with your partner on communication, or maybe you’ve just reached the end of your rope. Either way, you’ve found yourself considering couple’s therapy. It’s a big step for any couple, and if you’re feeling some apprehension about it you’ve come to the right place. In this article, we’ll discuss situations in which you and your partner would benefit from couples therapy, what happens when you go, and what happens when you get there.

First, let’s define what couples therapy is and what it isn’t. Couples therapy is not a quick fix, and it is not a substitute for individual therapy. If you or your partner are struggling with depression, anxiety, addictions, or past traumas, getting individual therapy alongside couples therapy is a great strategy for a successful relationship.

When do you need couples therapy?

There are many reasons why you and your partner might decide to begin couples therapy. We’ll cover just the most common reasons here, but understand that this list is limitless. Couples therapy is also an effective way to avoid or prepare for the challenges you may face in your relationship. Many couples begin therapy even before commitment - which is a fantastic way to build communication and problem-solving skills that will help in head-of-the-moment situations down the road. Other situations that couples therapy would be helpful with include:

• Excessive arguing - when you and your partner can’t ever seem to agree or compromise. If one or both of you “pick fights” just because, or are quick to anger.
• Ignoring issues - there are problems, but there never seems to be a resolution. You may not discuss your problems at all. Perhaps you or your partner are having a difficult time facing the issue or coping with the possible outcome
• Intimacy challenges - there are ‘dry spells’ in any relationship. Stress is often a culprit. If you or your partner are experiencing a particularly stressful time, you might experience a sudden or prolonged change in your intimacy routine. If you’ve worked through managing the stressors in your life and are still experiencing intimacy challenges, couples therapy might be a great next step in resolving it.
• Past trauma - if you or your partner experienced trauma in previous relationships, couples therapy will play an important role in healing and developing healthy coping skills.
• Life transitions - couples therapy works the best before the problems become problems. Life-altering transitions such as having children, changing careers, or moving can easily become troublesome. Preparing and learning constructive coping skills will set you and your partner up for an easier transition.
• Affairs - this may be an obvious one, but it’s important to mention. “Affair” is a broad term that encompasses everything from emotional disconnect and porn addictions, to both sexual and non-sexual encounters. If both partners are interested in repairing the relationship after an affair, couples therapy can give you the support you need.
• Improving communication - sometimes, you just need to learn how to communicate. If you or your partner have experienced emotional trauma in previous relationships, or struggle with physical or mental health conditions, it may be difficult to communicate effectively. Communication is a two-way process that involves complex listening and expressive skills. Couples therapy is a great place to learn how and when to communicate effectively with your partner, especially when you have a non-traditional circumstance such as long distance.
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What you can expect

For some couples, one or both partners may be critical of trying couples therapy and are unwilling to give it a chance. Much of this resistance comes from common fears and misconceptions. The most common misconception is that it just simply doesn’t work. Couples therapy was only around 50% effective before the emergence of modern therapy methods. Current best practice methods have a strong 75% or greater success rate, according to Psychology Today. Your success will depend on how much effort you and your partner are putting in and your unique circumstances. Couples in which one or both partners are abusive, tend to have lower success rates. Some common fears couples may have are:

• Discovering you’re incompatible with your partner
• Uncovering secrets
• Opening up and feeling vulnerable

Seeking counseling with a personal therapist about these fears may help; as well as being open and honest with your partner and the therapist you choose to counsel you both.

You and your partner may experience a lot of anxiety as the date of your first session approaches. Having a clear understanding of what to expect when you attend a session and what you'll get out of it can give you both reassurance and make it a more comfortable experience.
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When you go...
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• You’ll go together - you and your partner will meet together as a couple during your sessions. This might be a bit uncomfortable if you and your partner are separated and using couples therapy in hopes of repairing and reconnecting. Although you and/or your partner may also benefit from individual counseling, it is essential that you come together during your couples therapy sessions.
• You’ll explore the past - across several sessions, you and your partner will process the history of your relationship together and even previous relationships that are impacting your current relationship. You might even unpack some non-relationship areas of your past.
• You’ll set goals for the future - when it's appropriate, your therapist will help you and your partner outline goals and realistic timelines for reaching those goals. You’ll get an unbiased and professional perspective - your therapist is a well-trained professional who will be able to offer a new perspective and guide you and your partner in many areas of healing and strengthening your relationship.
• You’ll have ‘homework’ - your therapist will assign you and your partner some homework after every session. Some ‘homework’ assignments may include - scheduling a date night, using a new skill you learned in therapy, writing each other a letter, and more.
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What you can expect to get out of it

Working with a couples therapist will help you and your partner improve or learn communication skills, patience, and honesty. Therapy can also help you reestablish trust with your partner, improve intimacy in both sexual and nonsexual ways, learn stress management techniques, and rational compromise strategies. You should leave therapy sessions feeling heard and with an ability to understand your partner on a deeper level. Over time, you and your partner will learn how to come to a healthy resolution when conflict happens.

No one is born a great communicator - it is a learned skill. Many conflicts and misunderstandings begin with poor communication. Couples therapy will help you learn how to express yourself in a way your partner will understand and how to listen to your partner’s words, actions, and body language.
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Couples and Individual Counseling in CA, NV, & AZ

You and your partner should both be on board with using couples therapy as a tool to improve or repair your relationship; however, don’t be afraid to start on your own if your partner is not yet ready. This shows your willingness and seriousness to help the relationship heal and thrive. It is important to give couples therapy a realistic chance to work but remember that you or your partner may need additional counseling, such as anger management, sex addiction counseling, substance abuse rehabilitation, or mental health treatments. If you and your partner have been considering couples therapy, and you live in the California, Nevada, or Arizona areas, reach out to Medens Health via call or text: (833) 624-5400 or online!

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^Disclaimer:

^{‍The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.}

^{If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.}