Could You Be Living with a Narcissist?

The word narcissist is often loosely used to describe someone who’s on an ego trip or a little too into themselves. While both of those are narcissistic traits, narcissism itself goes much deeper than that. Everyone has displayed some form of narcissism at some point in their life. These same traits allow us to take pride in our accomplishments and feel valid when we are recognized. Narcissistic traits are a normal and healthy part of brain development. They are most prominent during teen and young adult years, and present as a higher degree of selfishness and lower degree of empathy or generosity.

When the narcissistic traits continue into adulthood and evolve to include a high level of arrogance, self-entitlement, and difficulty taking criticism, it becomes known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD. Those suffering from NPD will push the envelope, manipulating and gaslighting others in order to fulfill their need to feel superior and in control.

Who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder? According to a 2018 study, 1 out of every 200 adults have some level of narcissistic behavior on a constant basis, with men being more likely to develop NPD.
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Signs of Narcissism

Many psychology professionals now classify narcissism as a spectrum disorder, because the traits of narcissism can range from subtle to abusive. NPD is not easy to recognize in even some of the worst cases, because a narcissist is an expert in manipulation and gaslighting. Non-narcissists will question themselves and try to make excuses for their loved one’s behaviors. Identifying narcissistic behavior in a partner or potential partner is difficult because you want to believe they are genuine and have your best interests at heart. To help you identify narcissism, here are some common characteristics:

• They’re never wrong - narcissists are extremely arrogant and have a strong aversion to being wrong. They will twist a story and change your perception of reality rather than admitting any wrongdoing. Narcissists generally use the gaslighting technique to make you question what you thought you knew and change your mind.
• They’re persuasive and charismatic - narcissists always get what they want. At work and with friends, they’re seen as reliable, competent, and fun to be around. In relationships, they’ll shower you with “love bombs” (gifts, attention, affection, etc..) whenever they feel like they’re losing control, and then seamlessly transition back to controlling and manipulating for their own gain once they feel like you’re back in their power.
• They’re untamed and disrespectful - narcissists always feel entitled and rarely adhere to rules or boundaries. They enjoy being the center of attention and consider themselves the ‘hero’ of any situation.
• They make you feel disillusioned - narcissists are master manipulators, in the business of feeling superior at all times - even at the expense of others. In addition to gaslighting, they will work to remove your support system and place blame on you when things don’t work out the way they want.
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Living with a loved one who has NPD

Whether it’s a parent, sibling, or romantic partner - if you’ve found yourself sharing daily life with someone who has NDP, you need some reasonable steps for making things more tolerable. Here are some tips on living productively and peacefully with a narcissist:

• Have realistic expectations - understand that narcissists are unable to accept any type of blame or criticism. They also aren’t able to process why you may be upset with them and don’t see any problem with their words or actions. This might mean you ‘let go’ of minor disagreements and not expect an apology when it's due.
• Defend your boundaries - set and keep boundaries that keep you safe and keep your emotional health intact. Protect your privacy with passcodes and locks. Hold them accountable, especially if they keep breaking promises. Never tolerate insults or emotional outbursts.
• Find support - narcissists will sometimes work to remove your support system by attempting to turn family and friends away from you. This is another reason you should set a boundary on your privacy. Consider looking for a support group, there are many dedicated to supporting those who are victims of narcissists. You can begin your search for a support group here.
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Deciding when enough is enough

Even with your best efforts to cope, some cases may be so severe that your mental and physical health depends on leaving the situation. After enduring months or years of narcissistic abuse, you might find it difficult to recognize when it is time to leave. If you are experiencing any of the following, strongly consider putting an end to the relationship.

• You constantly feel like you are “walking on eggshells” and structure your day and most choices around what is least likely to set them off
• You feel isolated from friends, family, and other people you used to trust and socialize with
• You doubt your reality, constantly question yourself, and feel unsure if you’ve heard or understood things correctly
• You and your narcissist repeatedly argue about the same topic
• Your narcissist blames you for things not going right and justifies their behavior by saying you deserve it or caused it
• Your narcissist is unwilling to attend therapy or acknowledge their poor behaviors
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If your narcissist loved one is willing, therapy is a great place for them to start learning how to change their way of thinking and diffuse poor behaviors. The most important aspects of changing narcissistic behavior are support and therapy. Medens Health has several mental health providers who are qualified to help both NPD sufferers and their loved ones who are victims of narcissistic abuse. If you are in California, Nevada, or Arizona and you or someone you know is a victim of narcissistic abuse, call or text us at (833) 624-5400. You can also reach out online.

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^Disclaimer:

^{‍The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.}

^{If you or someone you are responsible for is experiencing a medical emergency, is considering harming themselves or others, or is otherwise in imminent danger, you should call 9-1-1 and/or take them to the nearest emergency room.}