Attachment Styles: What They Are & How They Can Help You

Whether you’ve heard of it or not, your attachment style has played a large role in your relationships since childhood. Attachment theory has been studied for decades and focuses on human relationships, particularly parent/child and intimate partner relationships. Learning about attachment styles will give you a better awareness of your emotions, help you find clarity with past relationships, and develop more fulfilling relationships with current or future partners.
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Discover your attachment style

There are four main attachment styles that begin forming at a very young age and continue to develop over time. Traumatic experiences during adulthood can have a negative impact on secure attachment. Likewise, with intentional understanding and work, you can turn anxious, avoidant or fearful attachments into a secure attachment. Here are the four main attachment styles:

• Secure - this attachment is formed by having warm, loving relationships with strong connections and healthy boundaries. Online attachment style surveys indicate this attachment is the most common, with about fifty percent of online surveys resulting in this style. As an adult with a secure attachment style, you would find yourself comfortable and resilient. You feel safe and stable in your relationships, but you also know your self-worth and are confident with your independence.

• Dismissive (avoidant) - with this attachment style, you may have experienced a childhood with dismissive caregivers who didn’t show interest in your emotional or physical wellbeing. As an adult, you might find yourself fiercely independent and avoiding conflict at all costs. In relationships, you are emotionally distant, and may even end relationships before they become emotionally intimate.

• Anxious (distracted) - this style is also known as ambivalent-anxious style, and is characterized by feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, jealousy and the need for constant reassurance. An anxious attachment style can form when a child lives with unpredictable caregivers; parents who are sometimes warm and caring, and at other times cold, distant, or angry, with no real pattern for the child to understand. Those with an anxious attachment style might struggle with understanding boundaries and become smothering towards their partners. They constantly seek approval of others, struggle with their confidence, and have great difficulty being single. Their self-worth depends heavily on their relationship status. Because of this, they may bounce from one relationship to the next quickly.

• Fearful (disorganized) - this is a common attachment style for those who experienced trauma or abuse in their formative years. Now as an adult, this attachment style can be associated with alcohol or drug abuse, violence, or aggressive behaviors. People with this attachment style want to have close relationships, but are unable to create a close bond because they fear reliving past trauma if they open up emotionally. Those with this type of attachment tend to have a somewhat chaotic lifestyle and have difficulty finding healthy coping mechanisms.
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Improving relationships by understanding attachment styles

Understanding your and your partner’s attachment styles can help you develop a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. If you’re struggling with communication, commitment, or anxiety in your relationships, taking the time to understand your attachment style will help you develop healthier connections going forward. You can also find a deeper understanding of your partner’s emotions and support them towards having a more secure attachment style with you.

While this is only a narrow overview of a very broad subject, working with a therapist is a great way to define your attachment style and formulate the steps necessary to develop the optimal secure style. If you live in California, Nevada, or Arizona and you or your partner are struggling with the negative effects of your attachment style(s), reach out to Medens at (833) 624-5400 or contact us online.

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^Disclaimer:

^{‍The information provided in this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Reliance on any information provided in this blog is solely at your own risk. Always seek the advice of your physician or a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical or mental health. If you don’t currently have a therapist, we can connect you with one who is qualified to give you safe, professional, and ethical advice regarding your mental health.}

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